Sophie Hughes

Me doing stand up at Liquid 2/20/17

               Some really cool artwork my best friend Uriah made for me. Me as Attila <3
               Currently he and I are writing a comic book together, and I will add links soon.

Broken nose after a scuffle with some bigot

Pronouns

Greetings Horde, 

When I first started transition nearly two years ago I told myself I wasn't going to be that "angry trans" person. I didn't want to be the type to get up on a soap box over every slight, who actively looks for reasons to be upset and says things like "Living my truth", "problematic" and "micro-aggression". I was determined to be laid back, thick skinned, and light hearted - not in an attempt to disparage other trans people's opinions or experience, it's just how I imagined I would be. Basically I thought I was gonna be super cool.

As time went on and I put my plan of being the trans Arthur Fonzarelli into practice, I quickly discovered that it's difficult to be super cool when faced with situations where it feels like someone is being disrespectful about something very personal to you. Something that you are also cripplingly self concise about. Each time someone at work calls me sir, or someone refers to me with "he" or "him" it totally ruins my day. When I tell my friends about these experiences, they always say "fuck that person" "what an asshole!" Or something along those lines - but I think there is something that they aren't understanding about most of these incidents.. The vast majority of the time it isn't done as a jibe by some asshole. It's a slip up from coworkers, friends, or family. Very recently a trans friend of mine who I really respected and looked up to, referred to me with male pronouns several times during a night out.

This brings me to my main point about the pronouns. If somebody is using male pronouns intentionally to needle at me - then I am able to dismiss it. "Well, fuck you too" I'll think, and go on my way. But when a friend, or someone I feel is accepting does it by mistake, it's very different. I start to think about why they would make that mistake, I think that they privately or subconsciously think of me as a man. That this person doesn't see me as I do in the slightest. That maybe - that's what everyone thinks about me, and they are all just being polite."Yeah that's Sophie" they'd say "He's a woman". 

Thanksgiving '14

Greetings Horde,

When I first started my transition over a year and a half ago I had made a resolution to blog about my experience from the very beginning, step by step. In hopes of helping other people who were also starting their transition or looking for information about where and how to begin. However like most of the resolutions that I set for myself - I never did it.

Looking back on the weeks and months before I started transition, but had made up my mind to do it, I'm very amused by my own behavior. It was radically unplanned and sporadic, and I was telling everyone I could that I was about to start transition but that it was a big secret and not to tell anyone - I'm not sure it counts as a secret if you've literally told everyone you know.

One event comes to mind; It was the day before Thanksgiving and that's a big holiday for my Dad, his girlfriend and her family. They make it a three or four day event with all her kids coming into town - they bring friends, eat, play games, and drink. It was only my second year participating in these revelries with them and most of the family didn't know me too well by that point. After eating and playing board games, yelling at each other over said games, and drinking heavily the older folks had gone off to bed. The kids (being mid twenties to thirties) were out chain smoking and drinking around a fire pit. It was then that I decided to announce drunkenly to everyone there I was going to start transition from male to female. It was an awkward moment. For one, these people hardly knew me, and two - I didn't look or really act very effeminate.

(Me in November 2014)

I continued by showing a bunch of pictures of myself in drag to the gathering, because I don't really think they believed me. No one trusts a standup comedian, they kinda thought it was a "bit". When I finally felt satisfied that they knew I was serious. I made a to-go plate and walked my inebriated ass home in the cold icy streets at 3am. Struggling with my footing and with what I'd just done. "There is no way" I thought "That they wont tell my Dad or his girlfriend in the morning what happened." And I hadn't told them myself yet.

The next day I'm getting ready for the real Thanksgiving dinner. I still to this day don't know why - But I decided to go in women's clothes. I pulled on some thick leggings and a tunic top slapped a wig on my head and unskillfully smeared makeup on my face then waited outside my apartment building for my Dad to give me a ride to the house. 

(close approximation to what I must have looked like then)

No one had told him about last night's conversation - seeing me like that was news to him. It was a very quiet ride to his house, my father driving slowly in the snow, the streets all but deserted. When he parked behind the house he asked "Are you sure this is how you want to do it?" And I remember being so angry at him about it - until he added "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable sweetie, and I think everyone else may be surprised". I knew his concern was for me and not embarrassment for himself or anything else. Furthermore - although I dropped this huge bombshell on him without warning or even a hint - he wasn't shocked, I've always been close with my Dad, but I knew then he'd seen me better than anyone else ever had. I told him about my confession last night - I explained the gory details as we rolled the windows down and smoked a cigarette with the car heater on full.

Then we got out of the car and headed inside, moving as quickly as we could through the snow and the discomfort.