Greetings Horde,
When I first started my transition over a year and a half ago I had made a resolution to blog about my experience from the very beginning, step by step. In hopes of helping other people who were also starting their transition or looking for information about where and how to begin. However like most of the resolutions that I set for myself - I never did it.
Looking back on the weeks and months before I started transition, but had made up my mind to do it, I'm very amused by my own behavior. It was radically unplanned and sporadic, and I was telling everyone I could that I was about to start transition but that it was a big secret and not to tell anyone - I'm not sure it counts as a secret if you've literally told everyone you know.
One event comes to mind; It was the day before Thanksgiving and that's a big holiday for my Dad, his girlfriend and her family. They make it a three or four day event with all her kids coming into town - they bring friends, eat, play games, and drink. It was only my second year participating in these revelries with them and most of the family didn't know me too well by that point. After eating and playing board games, yelling at each other over said games, and drinking heavily the older folks had gone off to bed. The kids (being mid twenties to thirties) were out chain smoking and drinking around a fire pit. It was then that I decided to announce drunkenly to everyone there I was going to start transition from male to female. It was an awkward moment. For one, these people hardly knew me, and two - I didn't look or really act very effeminate.
(Me in November 2014)
I continued by showing a bunch of pictures of myself in drag to the gathering, because I don't really think they believed me. No one trusts a standup comedian, they kinda thought it was a "bit". When I finally felt satisfied that they knew I was serious. I made a to-go plate and walked my inebriated ass home in the cold icy streets at 3am. Struggling with my footing and with what I'd just done. "There is no way" I thought "That they wont tell my Dad or his girlfriend in the morning what happened." And I hadn't told them myself yet.
The next day I'm getting ready for the real Thanksgiving dinner. I still to this day don't know why - But I decided to go in women's clothes. I pulled on some thick leggings and a tunic top slapped a wig on my head and unskillfully smeared makeup on my face then waited outside my apartment building for my Dad to give me a ride to the house.
(close approximation to what I must have looked like then)
No one had told him about last night's conversation - seeing me like that was news to him. It was a very quiet ride to his house, my father driving slowly in the snow, the streets all but deserted. When he parked behind the house he asked "Are you sure this is how you want to do it?" And I remember being so angry at him about it - until he added "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable sweetie, and I think everyone else may be surprised". I knew his concern was for me and not embarrassment for himself or anything else. Furthermore - although I dropped this huge bombshell on him without warning or even a hint - he wasn't shocked, I've always been close with my Dad, but I knew then he'd seen me better than anyone else ever had. I told him about my confession last night - I explained the gory details as we rolled the windows down and smoked a cigarette with the car heater on full.
Then we got out of the car and headed inside, moving as quickly as we could through the snow and the discomfort.
