Pronouns

Greetings Horde, 

When I first started transition nearly two years ago I told myself I wasn't going to be that "angry trans" person. I didn't want to be the type to get up on a soap box over every slight, who actively looks for reasons to be upset and says things like "Living my truth", "problematic" and "micro-aggression". I was determined to be laid back, thick skinned, and light hearted - not in an attempt to disparage other trans people's opinions or experience, it's just how I imagined I would be. Basically I thought I was gonna be super cool.

As time went on and I put my plan of being the trans Arthur Fonzarelli into practice, I quickly discovered that it's difficult to be super cool when faced with situations where it feels like someone is being disrespectful about something very personal to you. Something that you are also cripplingly self concise about. Each time someone at work calls me sir, or someone refers to me with "he" or "him" it totally ruins my day. When I tell my friends about these experiences, they always say "fuck that person" "what an asshole!" Or something along those lines - but I think there is something that they aren't understanding about most of these incidents.. The vast majority of the time it isn't done as a jibe by some asshole. It's a slip up from coworkers, friends, or family. Very recently a trans friend of mine who I really respected and looked up to, referred to me with male pronouns several times during a night out.

This brings me to my main point about the pronouns. If somebody is using male pronouns intentionally to needle at me - then I am able to dismiss it. "Well, fuck you too" I'll think, and go on my way. But when a friend, or someone I feel is accepting does it by mistake, it's very different. I start to think about why they would make that mistake, I think that they privately or subconsciously think of me as a man. That this person doesn't see me as I do in the slightest. That maybe - that's what everyone thinks about me, and they are all just being polite."Yeah that's Sophie" they'd say "He's a woman".